tolet-paper, ever run out ?

ripper007 · Member Joined: Mar 05, 2006 Posts: 199 Location: Colorado

This is a story of a two friends of mine back in texas.

I was not on this hunting trip with these two guys , I was told the story the next time I went hunting with them.

I will not mention any names for the sake of the inocent party. lol.

these two friends of mine was out hunting one evening. it was getting late and they had not seen any thing to shoot. on thier way back to the truck , loading everything up and about to leave.
Friend 1 siad wait, I need to go and can not wait. I will be right back.
Friend 2 , said ok. there he sat in the truck waiting , and waiting.
, Now Friend 1 was more of a city boy and realy not use to the wild life. while Fiend 2 was alot of both. lol.
Fiend 2 gets tired of waiting , then gets out, and hollers , Hey are you ok. ??? lol.
Friend 1. Ummmm, Yea, well. kindof. I , I forgot to get the tolet paper. can you bring me some. ???
Friend 2, sure, just a miute I will be right there.

Friend 2 brings frind 1 some white looking cloth, then heads back to the truck.
Friend 1 comes back to the truck after cleaning up. lol. he has a puzzled look on his face and is not very happy. he is moving around alot and kindof scratch his butt allot.
Friend 2 is laughing under his breath.

come to find out. Friend 2 brought Friend 1 some not very good tolet paper to use. lol.
you know that cloth fiber-glass use for auto bondo repairng. lol

Poor friend 1 was had a soar hole for a while.

Man, I learned one good lesson from this. that is, Do not trust Friend 2. lol.

dam. I would not give my enemy fiber-glass cloth to wipe thier a** wiht.

but, we did luagh about it for a long time. and yess, friend 1 and friend 2 are still friends. I moved away , and have not seen either of them in over 15 years.

Vince · Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:09 am Post subject: Re: tolet-paper, ever run out ?

Oh boy, that would be a bad thing.

I have two stories I can relate.

Story 1.

In Australia we have a small scrubby tree that grows in the tropics and is known as Gympie Bush. More on that later. When in the Army in Far North Queensland we were out in the bush for whatever reason (can't remember) and one of the guys had to "go" in a hurry. Now ordinarily we each carry a small supply of date roll/bum fodder. This guy used all he had and still needed a little more. Now, he is a city boy and not familiar with heart-shaped leaves that appeared to be fairly soft looking.....perfect he thought. Gympie Bush, grows in the tropics, has nice heart-shaped leaves that are soft, however, the thing that makes them look soft is little hollow needle type hairs all over the leaf......very VERY VERY nasty. Shocked

To cut a long story short, what do you reckon this guys did the "paperwork" with.....you got it....Gympie Bush leaves. Evil Devil

We didn't laugh cause we know just how nasty this is and how long this guy would pay for his lack of knowledge.
The only way you can TRY to get the "Gympie hairs" out of your skin is to put sticky tape over them and hope they lift out. They usually don't, leaving you in severe pain that can require hospitalisation. The pain can last for weeks followed by an irritation that can last for up to a year. And to make matters worse, hot water causes the irritation to flare up. How long can you go without a hot shower? Sad

Not nice.

Story 2.

We were out on the turps (having a few beers) one night. One of the guys had a haemarroid problem...EEEWWW. Yuck

Another of the other guys said, no probs mate...got some pile cream in my bag in the room...white tube....go for it. Now, we had been drinking for the better part of the afternoon. After about 30 minutes we wondered where our mate was so we went looking for him....well it was his shout! Cheers

We found him in the shower, cold water sprayinging onto his nether regions, almost in tears. He had gone to his mate's bag, grabbed a white tube of cream, squeezed a dollop into his hand and smeared it onto his ring-piece. Evil Devil

I can imagine how quickly he would have jumped and how big his eyes got Rolling Eyes

......he had picked up a tube of Methyl Salicilate, a very strong liniment.
Shocked

When we stopped laughing one of the guys put the fire hose on him to try to "cool" things down. Took a while though.
We didn't let him forget that one Mad

....or that he had missed his shout! Cheers

delboy · Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:20 am Post subject: Re: tolet-paper, ever run out ?

I'm surprised you didn't HEAR his shout from the bar, Vinnie!

Daveyboy · Member Joined: Jan 22, 2006 Posts: 143

In England, we have nettles and dock leaves. One is the opposite of the other. Sting yourself with a nettle? Rub it with a dock leaf.

Olde English saying - Don't wipe your arse with a nettle.

D

Vince · Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 5:04 am Post subject: Re: tolet-paper, ever run out ?

Daveyboy wrote:

In England, we have nettles and dock leaves. One is the opposite of the other. Sting yourself with a nettle? Rub it with a dock leaf.D

Gidday Davey, know the nettle, nasty little devil, but nowhere near as bad as Gympie Bush. There is another plant that supposedly grows in the same vicinity as the Gympie and can be used as an antidote but I don't know what it looks like. The aborigines know it.

Vince

longwalker · Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 9:49 am Post subject: Re: tolet-paper, ever run out ?

Ever run out?

Of course, but then you have got to be somewhat prepared before you just grab any old leaves and such. Unfortunately most of us don't eat all that great when out and about, so having some kind of natual wiping material is welcome knowledge. Not to mention it goes a long way to your personal comfort and that of your buddies.

For the most part we don't have to many touch sensitive plant in the USA. But the ones we do have like poison ive and poison oak shopuld be avioded. The old stand by rime, "leaflets three let it be". Some people are very sensative to it others like myself are not.

I've used, maple leaves, grape leaves, oak leaves, moss, indian slipper, when you've got to go, you'vre got to go.

longwalker

ripper007 · Member Joined: Mar 05, 2006 Posts: 199 Location: Colorado

longwalker, I know all those leaves except for indian slipper ??
not sure if you you realy mean a indian slipper or if a indian slipper is a plant leaf. ?? lol.

when I was younger and my parents bought some land in the hill country, Center Point , texas. it had poison ivy and poisn oak all over. my brother is very sensative to it and it realy gets him bad. Me, ? I had played in the stuff and it never bothered me. so I was the one that had to pull it all out and get rid of it.

I had to go alot in those hilly parts. I spent most of my time running around in the woods.
I was trying to find a picture of this plant, but I can not find one. and I do not know the name of it. but it grew on a small stock , and would get about 4 feet tall or more. it had some large leaves that was soft. if you brok them in half, there would be some white milky liquid that would come out. and I dont think it was good to drink. lol. but those leaves was soft and did a good job.

rocks was rough but did the job at times. lol.

delboy · Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:05 pm Post subject: Re: tolet-paper, ever run out ?

As a typical outdoorsman (from London.........?? Hmmm) I always use a rabbit, the fur's lovely and soft and the nasty stuff really sticks to it. You can also use a passing moggie but watch out for those claws or you'll wind up like 0 Ring!

Irskii · Member Joined: Jul 14, 2005 Posts: 54

Run Out? A knife and the lowest level of clothing I had on. The only thing was explaining the 12 inch square cut out of my T-shirt to my wife.

ripper007 · Member Joined: Mar 05, 2006 Posts: 199 Location: Colorado

Irskii wrote:

Run Out? A knife and the lowest level of clothing I had on. The only thing was explaining the 12 inch square cut out of my T-shirt to my wife.

LOL. that brought back some memories. I know how that is. I just forgot about doing this till reading your post.

longwalker · Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:45 pm Post subject: Re: tolet-paper, ever run out ?

Indian Slipper

What is it, in Connecticut where I liveed for a while is grew a tall plant not unlike a christmas tree. The leaves looked an insole of a shoe. One could imagine sewing three of them together to make a slipper. The funny thing about the plant was it required very little water lots of sun and the worst soil you could find. Once every two years it would bloom with small yellow flowers make seeds like crazy and in about two years a new one would sprout up.

Leaves were as one would imagine large and soft. Of course the best part about using leaves and such is no litter besides that which we have no control over.

longwalker

sniper · Last edited by sniper on Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

Ah, yes; I have left a perfectly good pocket handkerchief or two in the boonies on occasion, probably fracturing at least one state and/or county law, not to mention probably offending some tree huggers. What do they do, when communing with nature, and it calls? I don't trust no stinkin' bushes!

w4dsb · Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 2:27 pm Post subject: Re: tolet-paper, ever run out ?

many a time i have cut the leg off my boxer shorts to take care of business with!

Bushmaster · Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 4:26 pm Post subject: Re: tolet-paper, ever run out ?

What is this sudden facination with TP??? I would think grown (debatible) men would have more important things to talk about....TP???? Geeeeze-O-Pete

popgun · Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 12:17 am Post subject: Re: tolet-paper, ever run out ?

Wherez Loganville?

w4dsb wrote:

many a time i have cut the leg off my boxer shorts to take care of business with!

Actually I think I was riding behind you the other day on HWY 78 around Maxie Price Chevrolet? Confused

:-D

As for me it's the be prepaired 'theory of 2-2-2+1/2', two rolls in the truck, two on the 4x4, two in the 'fanny pack' and a half roll in my pocket. Ok, I'm an ex-city boy. Very Happy