View previous topic :: View next topic |
Author |
Message |
Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15704 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
|
Posted: Wed May 01, 2013 5:18 pm Post subject: FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view) |
|
By Pam Ayres of course..
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominater !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left t1t!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.
_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Suzanne Super Member
Joined: Jun 27, 2009 Posts: 3323 Location: Eugene, Oregon
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15704 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
|
Posted: Wed May 01, 2013 8:50 pm Post subject: Re: FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view) |
|
Suzanne wrote: |
So where's the video? |
_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Last edited by Vince on Thu May 02, 2013 1:43 am; edited 1 time in total |
|
Back to top |
|
|
dhc4ever Super Member
Joined: May 26, 2011 Posts: 2944 Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia
|
Posted: Wed May 01, 2013 9:36 pm Post subject: Re: FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view) |
|
Both classics
_________________ Pete
Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics.............. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Elvis Super Member
Joined: Jul 27, 2008 Posts: 9239 Location: south island New Zealand
|
Posted: Wed May 01, 2013 11:00 pm Post subject: Re: FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view) |
|
very very good she always has been a clever lass that Pam.
_________________ You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers! |
|
Back to top |
|
|
radar Super Member
Joined: Oct 01, 2008 Posts: 1109 Location: North Island New Zealand
|
Posted: Sat May 04, 2013 5:13 pm Post subject: Re: FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view) |
|
Vince, this started on the NZ Trade me website with everyone adding a bit I cut and pasted the whole lots sooooo here tis.
Fifty Shades of Grey Hair
The missus bought a Paperback down Dymocks, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
T’was “fifty shades of grey”.
Well I just left her to it,
At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…..
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Doris hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.
Watching Doris bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and…
Said…. I must dominate her!!
Now if you knew our Doris,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.
She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought what the hell,
Stepped forward,
and stood on her left tit!Doris screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one”!!
Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,….
Turned “fifty shades of Grey”.
But then I got to thinking
Why should she have all the fun
So I bought a pair of handcuffs
Cause I'd heard they were the gun
They were pink and they were fluffy
And I proudly took then home
And I fixed them to the bedhead
And I found a can of foam
And I found her favourite CD
And I turned the lights down low
And I closed the blinds and curtains
And I said 'Let's have a go'
Now Doris get your arse in here
And do what you are told
But leave your woolly singlet on
This room is bloody cold
See I'd spent the power bill money
On a pack of wee blue pills
But I figured that the heat we'd make
Would chase away the chills
"Now Doris put your arms up here
These cuffs I'm going to click
Upon your wrists". She tried to
But then said-"Hold on a tick-
Pass me my glucosamine-
my joints will need some aid
to hold my arms above my shoulders
while I am getting laid"
Then I took her woolly stockings
And I tied them round her ankles
And that was somewhat tricky
Cause she has trouble with her cankles
Now close your eyes please Doris
I said so masterfully
I tied a blindfold round her head
And then unwrapped the pulley
And I fixed it to the centre light
And strapped it round my middle
And I kicked off from the bedside mat
Then thought Damn I need to piddle
But do you think that I could reach
The buckle? it had slipped!
The more I tried to reach around
The more I just turned and flipped.
"Oh damn,oh hell, oh bugger me"
I struggled, puffed, and wheezed
"That's what YOU'RE s'posed to do to me"
Said Doris , not well pleased.
It didn't help that the wee blue pill
Was getting into gear
And as I dangled spinning
I poked her in her ear
Now remember she's blindfolded
And she cannot see a thing
So she cannot see me hanging
And she cannot see me swing
She yells 'Whatever are you doing"
As above her I rotate
"Get that cotton bud out of my ear"
She is getting quite irate
"Horace, are you listening"
She hollers, but poor me,
I am getting rather dizzy
And still dying for a pee.
And then I heard a dreaded sound
Wheels and footsteps down the hall
'Twas the afternoon tea trolley
And I heard the dreaded call
"Milk and sugar in your tea,Dear?"
There's the sound of fluid splashing
My tortured bladder just gives way
And Doris gets a lashing
Well- she thought they'd spilt her tea on her
And no one ever told
That the soaking that she suffered was in fact
A shower of gold
And as for me, they cut me down
And sent me on my way
And you wonder why my head is now
50 shades of grey
_________________ People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.
George Orwell |
|
Back to top |
|
|
dhc4ever Super Member
Joined: May 26, 2011 Posts: 2944 Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia
|
Posted: Sat May 04, 2013 6:02 pm Post subject: Re: FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view) |
|
Radar,
I am now scarred for life, some mental images are never forgotten.
I nearly lost it at Woolley jumper....................
_________________ Pete
Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics.............. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15704 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
|
Posted: Sun May 05, 2013 6:21 am Post subject: Re: FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view) |
|
_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
|
Back to top |
|
|
TRBLSHTR Super Member
Joined: Mar 23, 2007 Posts: 1071 Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15704 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
|
Posted: Sun May 05, 2013 11:40 pm Post subject: Re: FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view) |
|
TRBLSHTR wrote: |
:lol: OMFG!On a sunday morn to boot!I'm gonna have to go get some religion now to clear that from my head!!!!!!! |
_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
|
Back to top |
|
|
|