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Things to think about
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Donut Slayer
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Joined: Jun 27, 2007
Posts: 594
Location: Pensacola, Florida

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 5:36 pm    Post subject: Things to think about Reply with quote

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

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Browning X-Bolt in 30'06. The work for a pet load starts again. Wink The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
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TRBLSHTR
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Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1038
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 9:39 pm    Post subject: Re: Things to think about Reply with quote

Shocked All good questions to ponder......I'll get back to ya.......... Razz

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"Tolerance becomes a crime when applied to evil." Thomas Mann
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13171
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 10:02 pm    Post subject: Re: Things to think about Reply with quote

GROAN Faint

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7047
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 12:42 am    Post subject: Re: Things to think about Reply with quote

very much to ponder.... time for a beer.

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10328
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 8:42 am    Post subject: Re: Things to think about Reply with quote

I want to know why they put braille on public restroom signs

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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TRBLSHTR
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Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1038
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)

PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 11:27 am    Post subject: Re: Things to think about Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
I want to know why they put braille on public restroom signs
Laughing It's for when your blind drunk,and can't find a tree!

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10328
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 12:06 pm    Post subject: Re: Things to think about Reply with quote

When I'm "blind drunk" I really don't care if I can find a tree or not...

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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