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As it is and so it shall be.....
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2232
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 7:36 pm    Post subject: As it is and so it shall be..... Reply with quote

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him,
resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look,
Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going
to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test 'Balance.'"

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, northern
Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern
Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white
people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all
things."

extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and
said, "What's that one?"

"That's Brisbane, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful
trees and gardens, a beautiful river, and days filled with sunshine. The
people from Brisbane are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and
humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely
sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of
good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about
balance, God? You said there would be 'balance.'"

God smiled, "I will create Canberra
Wait till you see the idiots I put there"

_________________
Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Elvis
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6853
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:45 pm    Post subject: Re: As it is and so it shall be..... Reply with quote

oh dear Im pleased Im not from Canberra

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Suzanne
Super Member
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3263
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:43 am    Post subject: Re: As it is and so it shall be..... Reply with quote

HHHhmmmmm seems to be tailor made, right to the point! Are there issues in Canberra? You know...other than the usual stuff like;

+25°C: Queenslanders turn on the heat. Melbournians sunbathe.
+10°C: Melbournians turn on the heat. People in Tasmania plant gardens.
+5°C: Sydney residents shiver uncontrollably. People in Canberra go swimming.
+2°C: Italian cars won't start. People in Canberra drive with the windows open.
0°C: Distilled water freezes. Canberra water gets thicker.
-7°C: Sydney people wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Canberra throw on a T-shirt.
-9°C: Queenslanders begin to evacuate the state. People in Canberra go camping.
-18°C: Melbourne landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Canberra have a last BBQ before it gets cold.
-23°C: People in Perth cease to exist. People in Canberra lick flagpoles.
-29°C: Sydney people fly away to South Pacific islands. People in Canberra throw on a light jacket.
-40°C: Darwin disintegrates. People in Canberra rent videos.
-51°C: Mt. Hotham freezes. Canberra Girl Guides begin selling Guide biscuits door to door.
-62°C: Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Penguins leave Antarctica. Canberra Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
-73°C: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Canberra put on a coat.
-114°C: Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Canberra get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.
-183°C: Microbial life start to disappear. Canberra cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
-273°C: ALL atomic motion stops. People in Canberra start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
-296°C: Hell freezes over. Canberra wins the soccer.


Suz

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May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12944
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 7:03 am    Post subject: Re: As it is and so it shall be..... Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

Good one Suz...sorta describes Canberra perfectly I reckon. Canberra is the National Capitol of Australia...it's where the Federal Parliament sits, and where the biggest bunch of bludging no-hopers spend their days lazing away in Parliament House...led (for the time being) by a female 'RANGA...but not for much longer. MWHAHAHAHAHAHA

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2232
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 11:07 am    Post subject: Re: As it is and so it shall be..... Reply with quote

After last nights election result in QLD, one would think the Ranga and the faceless faction turds of the labor party can now do the impossible and predict the future with 100% certainty.
Bring on the federal election...........now would be nice.

_________________
Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5674
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:01 pm    Post subject: Re: As it is and so it shall be..... Reply with quote

Too right!!

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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MacD
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Apr 08, 2011
Posts: 1052
Location: Canada

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:28 pm    Post subject: Re: As it is and so it shall be..... Reply with quote

The right to complain about your government any way you want to is precious. Ain't freedom great? Unfortunately I am still a public servant and have to keep my thoughts to myself but once I retire look out you pompous b'tards in Ottawa.

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La a'Blair s'math n Cairdean
(Friends are good on the day of battle)
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5674
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 4:59 pm    Post subject: Re: As it is and so it shall be..... Reply with quote

Well Mac, if you complain sooner, got got to get to retire sooner too
More time to hunt out those deer Very Happy

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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