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CSIRO Finds Exciting New Element
Discussions run-amok, innane banter it all goes here
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Vince
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:26 pm    Post subject: CSIRO Finds Exciting New Element Reply with quote

Scientists at the Australian CSIRO have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.


The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other byproducts are produced.

Cheers, Vince

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Suzanne
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 10:05 pm    Post subject: Re: CSIRO Finds Exciting New Element Reply with quote

OOMG funny!!!

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gelandangan
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 10:34 pm    Post subject: Re: CSIRO Finds Exciting New Element Reply with quote

ugh.. the ugly truth..

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Elvis
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 1:00 am    Post subject: Re: CSIRO Finds Exciting New Element Reply with quote

very good ta for the chuckle.

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dhc4ever
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 1:01 am    Post subject: Re: CSIRO Finds Exciting New Element Reply with quote

I'm with Geland, to true to be funny

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Vince
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 2:07 am    Post subject: Re: CSIRO Finds Exciting New Element Reply with quote

dhc4ever wrote:
I'm with Geland, to true to be funny

...which is why it's in the Spam O Rama rather than the joke section Pete.

Cheers, Vince

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

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Elvis
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 3:19 am    Post subject: Re: CSIRO Finds Exciting New Element Reply with quote

Ive just recieved an email informing me of changes to the aussie governments symbol.
no longer will it be the kangaroo and emu but instead it will be the condom!!
why??? because it more accurately reflects the governments political stance. a condom allows for inflation,halts production,destroys the next generation,protects a bunch of dicks and gives you a false sense of security while you are actually being screwed!!!

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lesterg3
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 4:43 am    Post subject: Re: CSIRO Finds Exciting New Element Reply with quote

Best satire I've read in a long while. Thanks Vince and Elvis you made my day.

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radar
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 2:32 pm    Post subject: Re: CSIRO Finds Exciting New Element Reply with quote

Take a bow Vince....thats brilliant

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Vince
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 8:52 pm    Post subject: Re: CSIRO Finds Exciting New Element Reply with quote

radar wrote:
Take a bow Vince....thats brilliant

Bow

Cheers, Vince

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

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