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Adopt A Terrorist -
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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inthedark
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Joined: Jan 31, 2011
Posts: 754
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 10:26 pm    Post subject: Adopt A Terrorist - Reply with quote

Shocked Shocked
A female Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
She is said to have received the following reply:

National Defence Headquarters
MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa, ON K1A 0K2
Canada


Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces - who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa .
You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself; we are creating a new Department here at the Department of National Defence, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. For short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care.
Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.
It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem " will help him overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.
We understand that you plan to offer counselling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers.
We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group.
He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property.
This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.
Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man.
You take good care of Ahmed - and remember we'll be watching.
Good luck and God bless you.
Cordially,
Gordon O'Connor
Minister of National Defense
wtf Shocked

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Chimo
Ron

War is sweet to those who have no experience of it, but the experienced man trembles exceedingly at heart on its approach - Pindar 518-438BC
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13374
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 1:25 am    Post subject: Re: Adopt A Terrorist - Reply with quote

Oh, I like it mate...can I watch, can I watch huh huh..can I? Laughing Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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lesterg3
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Joined: Nov 30, 2008
Posts: 1299
Location: Dixie

PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 4:58 am    Post subject: Re: Adopt A Terrorist - Reply with quote

If only it were true.

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"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. "--Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -- Thomas Jefferson

"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms."--James Madison

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Thomas Jefferson.

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Ominivision1
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2985
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 6:39 am    Post subject: Re: Adopt A Terrorist - Reply with quote

This would be to good for the liberals.

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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Dimitri
Super Member
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906
Location: Southern Ontario

PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:05 pm    Post subject: Re: Adopt A Terrorist - Reply with quote

Oddly enough Mr. O'Conner has been switched out from Minister of Defence to Chief Government Whip.

Very Happy

Dimitri

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A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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inthedark
Super Member
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Joined: Jan 31, 2011
Posts: 754
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:49 pm    Post subject: Re: Adopt A Terrorist - Reply with quote

I know that and the letter was written some time ago and
NOT I should surmise by Mr O'Conner. It is still a good laugh.

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Chimo
Ron

War is sweet to those who have no experience of it, but the experienced man trembles exceedingly at heart on its approach - Pindar 518-438BC
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RePete
Super Member
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Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 796

PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 6:44 pm    Post subject: Re: Adopt A Terrorist - Reply with quote

I seen that from 3 different countries, Canada, US and Britain.

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Proud member of the WTFDTSG Club.

Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.

Nice try = You Suck spelled different.
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metz3601
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Joined: Oct 31, 2008
Posts: 81

PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 11:11 pm    Post subject: Re: Adopt A Terrorist - Reply with quote

Where do I sign up to "Adopt" one of these guys? Wonder how thorough the investigation will be when he "slips out of my custody" in the middle of the night??
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13374
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 11:53 pm    Post subject: Re: Adopt A Terrorist - Reply with quote

That's when you are out deep sea fishing isn't it Metz? Wink Wink

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7243
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 4:26 am    Post subject: Re: Adopt A Terrorist - Reply with quote

bacon and eggs for breakfast everyday.

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13374
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 4:46 am    Post subject: Re: Adopt A Terrorist - Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
bacon and eggs for breakfast everyday.

...with HAM salad for lunch and Roast PORK for dinner...everyday.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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inthedark
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 31, 2011
Posts: 754
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 11:11 pm    Post subject: Re: Adopt A Terrorist - Reply with quote

metz3601 wrote:
Where do I sign up to "Adopt" one of these guys? Wonder how thorough the investigation will be when he "slips out of my custody" in the middle of the night??

And the roses seem to bloom all the more vividly! ROFL The Wave

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Chimo
Ron

War is sweet to those who have no experience of it, but the experienced man trembles exceedingly at heart on its approach - Pindar 518-438BC
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