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Don't Mess with Old People!!
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2233
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 9:01 pm    Post subject: Don't Mess with Old People!! Reply with quote

The Tax Department decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the taxation office.

The Taxation auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Tax Department finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead..'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

I keep telling you! Don't Mess with Old People!!

_________________
Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Pumpkinslinger
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 4371
Location: NC foothills

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:08 pm    Post subject: Re: Don't Mess with Old People!! Reply with quote

I like it!!

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Mike

"I ain't no better than anyone else, and there ain't no one better than me!" Ma Kettle

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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12967
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 2:18 am    Post subject: Re: Don't Mess with Old People!! Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6871
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 2:22 am    Post subject: Re: Don't Mess with Old People!! Reply with quote

You have got to admire the cunning.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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