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Beer, Fishing, Golf Shooting & Sex
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12851
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 5:49 pm    Post subject: Beer, Fishing, Golf Shooting & Sex Reply with quote

OK...a funny one...or is it scary...not sure.

man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens' fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you head for the nearest Gun Shop and spend the money on ammunition?" the man asked.

"You gotta be joking...I haven't been able to afford a gun or ammo for longer than I can remember!" replied the man.

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, shooting and sex."

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)

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tjparker_81
Member
Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2011
Posts: 52
Location: Aiken, South Carloina

PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 7:43 pm    Post subject: Re: Beer, Fishing, Golf Shooting & Sex Reply with quote

I desperately need a beer after that one. Among other things.

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I once thought I was wrong, but i was mistaken.
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dhc4ever
Super Member
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2213
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 7:56 pm    Post subject: Re: Beer, Fishing, Golf Shooting & Sex Reply with quote

Outstanding.
Makes up for your last effort..............almost.

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12851
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:00 pm    Post subject: Re: Beer, Fishing, Golf Shooting & Sex Reply with quote

tjparker_81 wrote:
I desperately need a beer after that one. Among other things.

Well mate...if it ain't "beer o'clock" in your part of the world, it certainly is somewhere...go for it mate. Very Happy Very Happy Cheers

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)

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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 6866
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 4:55 am    Post subject: Re: Beer, Fishing, Golf Shooting & Sex Reply with quote

Thanks for the morning chuckle, Vince!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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44marty
Super Member
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Joined: Mar 20, 2009
Posts: 775
Location: Cheshire, MA; USA

PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 10:48 am    Post subject: Re: Beer, Fishing, Golf Shooting & Sex Reply with quote

NICE Vince!! I went fishing early this morning, came home for some recoil therapy with my 300 WBY, cracked a beer and then read this. I no longer have a wife, so I might have a shot at sex tonight, too. Guess I'm doing OK.

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The strength of the wolf is in the pack; the strength of the pack is in the wolf. ~ R. Kipling

I LOVE YOU, LADY LUCK !!!
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12851
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 7:02 pm    Post subject: Re: Beer, Fishing, Golf Shooting & Sex Reply with quote

Marty wrote:
...I no longer have a wife, so I might have a shot at sex tonight, too.

Shocked Shocked Surprised Surprised Embarassed Embarassed I'm not going there....I'm stayin' right away from that one. Ya left yaself wide open there Marty old mate. Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Laughing Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)

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