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Forum FAQ

We need some four-by-twos
Jokes, funny stories and general humor

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RePete
Super Member

Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 1035
Location: Gods Country

Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 7:17 am Post subject: We need some four-by-twos

Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumberyard.

One of the men walked into the office and said,

"We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.

He returned shortly and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a moment and said, "I'd better go check."

After a while he returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're going to build a house."

_________________
Proud member of the WTFDTSG Club.

Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.

Nice try = You Suck spelled different.

My parents spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as RESPECT FOR OTHERS.

slimjim
Super Member

Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 8314
Location: Fort Worth TX

Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 7:27 am Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos
Ha ha! Good for a morning chuckle! _________________ "To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

Donut Slayer
Super Member

Joined: Jun 27, 2007
Posts: 594
Location: Pensacola, Florida

Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 7:57 am Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos
Musta went to Auburn University. _________________ Browning X-Bolt in 30'06. The work for a pet load starts again. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Bushmaster
Super Member

Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11393
Location: Ava, Missouri

Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 8:53 am Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos
Nothing like a little chuckle over coffee and cinamon roll... _________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it... DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch... LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...

Elvis
Super Member

Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9256
Location: south island New Zealand

Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 1:29 am Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos

man that must have been the apprentice on his first week.
Ive heard of them being sent out to the hardward store for" a long weight"
or course a long wait is what they got.
tartan paint
post holes
the best one was a mate of mine got sent by his building work mates for some glass nails..... well he wasnt dumb and went to the picture framers and got some!!!!! cost his boss a fortune but he saw the funny side of it.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!

RePete
Super Member

Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 1035
Location: Gods Country

Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 7:02 am Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos

We had a routine at the garage I worked at.

Send the young lad to the parts dept for a can of compression, the partsman would send him to another mechanic, who would send him to another mechanic and so on. The kid would come back empty handed, but then you tell him that you had a can.

It kept him out of your hair for a bit.

Bushmaster
Super Member

Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11393
Location: Ava, Missouri

Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 8:36 am Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos
Let's see here...Left handed hammers, a bucket of chow line or a bucket water line....Oh yes...And sending a boot camper to the bow to watch for the mail buoy. _________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it... DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch... LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...

Pumpkinslinger
Super Member

Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 5002
Location: NC foothills

Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:04 am Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos
A navy friend of mine said that their favorite was sending someone for a bucket of steam to clean with. The smart guy came back with a damp bucket and said "That's funny, it was full when I left!" At work I always ask for the metric adjustable wrench ... _________________ Mike "I ain't no better than anybody else, and there ain't nobody better than me!" Ma Kettle

Bushmaster
Super Member

Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11393
Location: Ava, Missouri

Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:29 am Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos
Oh yeh...And I just happen to have one. A Metric adjustable spanner And there is the "Relative bearing grease"... _________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it... DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch... LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... Last edited by Bushmaster on Tue Nov 13, 2012 12:24 pm; edited 1 time in total

Dimitri
Super Member

Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5946

Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 11:32 am Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos

Pumpkinslinger wrote:

At work I always ask for the metric adjustable wrench ...

I bought one when I went to Greece the first time, just in case someone asked for that. Very Happy

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.

dhc4ever
Super Member

Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2944
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 3:35 pm Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos

We had a young bloke from another Squadron (fast jets) sent down to my squadron (propeller driven Caribous) for a bucket of "Prop Wash" and some K9P lubricant.
He was less than impressed when I handed him a bucket and directed him behind a running aircraft. He was told that K9P was available at the police dog section or at a pinch he could supply it himself..........
Then there's the young bloke looking for a "long weight" :0

_________________
Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............

multigauge
Rookie Member

Joined: Apr 16, 2008
Posts: 24

Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 7:17 pm Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos
Don't forget to replace your muffler bearings.

multigauge
Rookie Member

Joined: Apr 16, 2008
Posts: 24

Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 7:18 pm Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos
Don't forget to replace your muffler bearings.

radar
Super Member

Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1109
Location: North Island New Zealand

Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 8:54 pm Post subject: Re: We need some four-by-twos

We had young Argentinian turn up to rugby one night because he thought he might like to play, he said he knew the field positions until the coach asked him if he ever played Left Right Out, the kid hadn't heard of that position and we were left laughing ourselves silly....took him a while to get it. Turned out to be an alright player too.

I regularly tell clients (criminals) to go cough a long way away -Far Cough, they don't get it!

_________________
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

George Orwell

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