Now guys...ya gotta bear with me on this one...its a little hard to read initially cause I think it was written by a "Mountain Man"...spent far too much time round the still, sniffin' the fumes.

The first part is a question sent to a Car Forum over here in Australia. The second part is a reply from one of the guys explaining...well, you will just have to read it.

Anyway...on with the story.

The Question:

my name is cricket i am glad i found this sight i have got a holden belmont the batrrey has run out witch is a turnip for the books the man that toad is said the electrisserty has leeked out and to keep it in the dark witch i havent herd befor but it makes sence becaus it never runs out at nite butter coarse i only have a carpoort so Qestion ;
will a car cover from supercheep make enough darknes to stop it leeking again i have covered all the wires with black tape so it will keep most of the darknes in also wear do i get some electrisserty to fill the batrrey it is about three qarters full another words i need about a litre and wear do i fill the ultranatur so i can top it up i dont want to run out again

The Reply:

Electrissity
Submitted by Qute on Wed, 26/07/2006 - 03:04.
You obviously haven't been paying attaention in Skool...Batrreys do not run on electrissity...they run on smoke.

Read and digest the following so you come up to speed with electrics...

ELECTRICAL THEORY OF SMOKE...BY JOSEPH LUCAS
Positive ground depends upon proper circuit functioning, the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work; we know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of the electrical system, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.

When, for example, the smoke escapes from an electrical component (i.e., say, a Lucas voltage regulator), it will be observed that the component stops working. The function of the wire harness is to carry the smoke from one device to another; when the wire harness "springs a leak", and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterwards. Starter motors were frowned upon in British Automobiles for some time, largely because they consume large quantities of smoke, requiring very large wires.

It has been noted that Lucas components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than Bosch or generic Japanese electrics. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brakes leak fluid, British tires leak air and the British defence establishment leaks secrets...so, naturally, British electronics leak smoke.

Author Unknown

The Theory Explained through Discussion.

When wires smoke, how come the smoke is not the same color as the wire?

This is not completely true. When the smoke is in the wire, it is under pressure (called voltage). The pressure difference causes the color to change from the normal color we are used to. Not unlike the blood in our veins and arteries changing color due to the oxygen content. When the smoke escapes the wire and is exposed to air, the pressure is released, and the color reverts back to what we commonly recognize as smoke. The wire then changes to the color of the smoke that escaped.

I hope this helps you understand.

I would only question the last sentence of that description. It has been my experience that the wire turns a color directly opposite of the smoke.

Not always true, I think it must depend on the composition of the smoke in question.

I should have made it a little clearer; the color the wire becomes, is directly proportional to the escape velocity of the smoke. Higher velocities generate higher heat. This heat tends to burn the wire and affect the coloring. The statement was meant to be a generalization, indicating the fact that the color of the wire does in fact change. Sorry for the miscommunication.

I was speaking of electrical smoke which is generally white. The spent smoke casing generally assumes a color somewhat near black after the smoke leaves.

I can't stand it anymore! If, as you say, light bulbs suck up darkness and convert it to smoke which is transmitted (via wire) to a power source for recycling...why do car batteries go dead when lights are left on? Do car batteries (and flashlight batteries for that matter) have a limited amount of storage capability? Is it like a hard drive that gets so full that you have to double-space and then lose all data?

Now you're getting it.......

I thought you guys were smarter than this. Of course the battery stores the smoke. In fact it can store so much smoke that if you open the top and light a match, the resulting explosion can do serious damage. I'm sure you are aware that usually where there's smoke there's fire. If you connect the battery to a charger, the smoke is then returned to the wire (Remember, a light bulb wont work unless it is connected to a wire system) for the utility companies to use. Your hard drive analogy is a very good example.

Our hardware guys might be onto something in their quest for superior wiring. I have noticed the unique method of of series/parallel wiring the power strips on our systems seems to prevent the smoke from getting out of the wires. A "Smoke Loop" of sorts. In the case of the "smoked" workstation recently, you should notice that this was a conventional single power strip installation.

Since color is perceived by the cone shaped receptors in our eyes, and cones require more light that their rod shaped counterparts. Is the sky blue at night?

At night the process including contraction of the pupil is visual purple by which the eye adapts to conditions of increased illumination when facing 300 candle power redeflecting devices.

Since there is a spectrum of light that we as humans cannot see, I support the theory that everything is going up in smoke, we just can't see it. This may explain why the neighbors dog barks for no apparent reason.

I think your basic understanding of smoke systems is remarkable. However I find a flaw with your theory. The battery is a reusable storage device for smoke. therefore, one would assume that some sort of one way valve (we can call it a diode) should be needed to prevent pressure flooding back into the system while at rest. Unlike the A/C system, the smoke system is collecting darkness at the headlights and converting it to smoke. This causes the system to fill up. The battery can contain much higher pressures and volumes than the wires. If this pressure exceeds the capacity of the wire, it will cause a rupture as you described. The rupture can be controlled by a sacrificial device known as a fuse. But this still doesn't eliminate the problem. Perhaps a two way valve (zener diode) is used to allow a small amount of pressure to return to the system, and partially equalize. I find this theory unlikely though, due to the increase in the force required to start the pump (which is now under pressure) working again...

The smoke continues circulating through the system, due to the pressure differential in the battery (smoke pressure/vacuum reservoir). When the reservoir becomes depleted, the pressure simply equalizes everywhere in the system (similar to an A/C system when it's turned off) and stuff just wont work. Notice the relations:

Work (W) = Force (F) x Distance (D);

Force (F) = total difference in pressure (Dp) x Area (A).

Therefore, the work done in a pressure system is:

Dp x A x D.

If the pressure differential (Dp) is reduced to zero then:

W = 0 x A x D = 0.

The smoke only escapes the wires when a path is created between the pressure differential areas (@ either the reservoir or the pump) that has too little restriction. When this happens, the smoke travels through the wires so fast that the friction between the smoke and the outer walls of the wiring heats the wires until they rupture. The smoke continues to escape until its pressure is equalized with the atmosphere, or until the conduit that provides the path between pressure areas is severed. When this happens, the sudden drop in pressure allows the wires to "collapse" slightly and, being sooo hot, as the edges of the ruptures and severed ends touch, the material becomes fused, sealing the system and retaining the remaining smoke.

Don't forget, when the system is at rest, all the valves, (switches and relays) are closed, keeping the pressure areas separated. When restarting the pump, as long as everything is OK, the smoke pressure is equal on both sides of the pump and there is no net force on the pump when it begins operating again. Also, within the pump there are pressure/volume actuated one-way valves with restrictors built in, arranged in such a way that they keep excess smoke volume recirculating through an integral smoke loop, which maintains the pressure within manageable limits.

The excess smoke, created by the light/smoke converters (headlights and other darkness absorbing devices), is changed back to darkness and dissipated in small unit concentrations so its dark effect is not locally observed. The smoke pump impeller (stator), converts smoke into magnetic flux which does work on the engine. Some of the excess work energy is dissipated through the cooling system and exhaust in the form of heat, while the remaining work energy is converted back to smoke and distributed evenly in small concentrations as you drive. This maintains the total quantity of smoke in the system at an average that does not change over time.

Cheers...Dave

More:

Submitted by bogan on Wed, 26/07/2006 - 08:11.
Don't talk so much about that. Dose that explain when Bogans battery fell over,and the power lead shorted out and all the sparks fell out. plenty of smoke then. melted power lead. and smoke every where. Have to go to Repco Parts Store for a new jar of sparks... again.

Reply:

Sparks and Smoke for Bogan
Submitted by Qute on Wed, 26/07/2006 - 08:34.
Nah, mate, you don't need a jar of sparks....they are used when welding with a smoke powered device. In fact, when welding, the sparks make the wire so hot where it meets the metal that some smoke escapes...

What you need from REPCO is a can of compressed smoke. There should be a very well disguised connection on the top of your battery that you hook the little connection that comes with the can to (after inserting the other end of the connection into the can's spray nozzle) and you can then top up your battery's smoke level.

The sparks you saw were actually bits of smoke escaping at extremely high velocities which heated them up so much that they became points of light (like when an asteroid or space junk enters the atmosphere).

I hope this clears it up for you...

Cheers...Dave

Rebuttal:

Electricity, don't think its smoke
Submitted by Jacks on Wed, 26/07/2006 - 19:43.
Dave, read your bit, but got stumped on that there Lucas bloke with his manifestation known as "smoke" recons the thing that makes electrical circuits work; I stand corrected of coarse, but do rember some block by the name of Vacuum, and he infact proved Lucas wrong in his theory, he made quite a bit of commoshion at the time, took the wind right out of him so to speak, vacuum that is, he recons there's no smoke there
then one day,yer it was raining , some bloke flying his kite , suddenly right out of the clouds he recons he has the Key on were electricity comes from, as vacuum had proven Lucas wrong, then this bloke Ben errrr somthing,yer thats him Franklin he recons electricity is a liquid going from one point to another,
well not to Be out done along comes this other feller, Faraday and he recons he can get it from magnets and a bit of wire ,he called it plus and minus, come to thing of it have seen that on my car battery, so might be some truth to that, dunno realy as was told you can get it from all types of batteries dry cells wet cells, evan sealed cells, then some bloke bloke recons that you can get it from Mercury but that realy got me thinking that a long way to go
come to think of it what does it look like as I havent seen it, did feel it a couble of times when it touched me, as was told not to touch it as its live electricity, but it was so quick when it touched me ,must have been in a hurry as I didn't see it, so was wondering maybe some one might let me know what it looks like, I mean it got to be there some place
Jacks
QLD 4165
Jacks shed

Reply to Rebuttal:

High Voltage Smoke
Submitted by Qute on Wed, 26/07/2006 - 21:12.
AH, yes, I now remember Vacuum sucking the wind out of Lucas's sails...

The Liquid Theory was debunked several years ago by Hugh Pressure. He discovered that gas is actually a liquid and their behaviours are therefore essentially the same. If the gaseous Smoke is under pressure, its behaviour mimics those of just molten solids very closely. Hence the earlier confusion.

While electricity is VERY quick, it is also VERY lazy. It will travel through a complete circuit from Perth to Brisbane and back to avoid jumping a 10 mm gap. This is also a Safety and Efficiency Feature as electricity jumping a 10 mm gap will almost certainly allow the escape of some smoke and therefor the loss of some power.

The electricity that touched you would have lost power by the escape of some smoke from your clothing, hair, finger nails, etc. This is not a very efficient way to go and is why touching electricity is not recommended. It is very hard to contain in the first place and wasting it by touching it and allowing the smoke to escape so easily harks back to the middle of last century when smoke was plentiful. So much smoke was wasted during the 2 World Wars, the Korean and Vietnam Conflicts and, more recently, in the Middle East that we are in danger of running short of Smoke, especially considering the rising demand for the stuff.

Have you ever stopped to consider why the Government is trying so hard to phase out cigarettes? It is because the wasting of Smoke for purely personal pleasure is becoming economically nonviable (in the same way that a Sunday Drive is becoming too costly for the average man in the street - Actually, if he isn't out driving he will be the Average Man in the Home/Garden/Garage wouldn't he?).

Similarly, governments all around the world have legislated to reduce Smoke emissions from cars and industry? Why? Because we are in danger of running out of Smoke. That's why! And demand for Smoke increases every day!

Cheers...Dave

Further:

Save on Smoke
Submitted by Jacks on Wed, 26/07/2006 - 23:12.
Dave, well can see that its a good point in what your saying,save the smoke, nevertheless, whats the best way to store it, any clues
I have heard that there are smoke detectors out there, so don't want to get robbed and loose what I save, it may be worth it weight in gold later on,
might be able to camouflage it what do you recon,
have noticed it in various colours, black, white, red, etc, are some more valuable than others
heard a bloke shout out " Holy Smoke"
is that the best ?
it was very quick smoke ,as i didn't actually see it, is that the high votage smoke you mean, what does it look like please
seeing you have inside info on this, that other are not privy to, was wondering, maybe you could advise, as I don't want to save the wrong smoke
Cheers, Jacks
QLD 4165

Reply:

Save The Smoke
Submitted by Qute on Thu, 27/07/2006 - 00:34.
You're right Jacks, it does come in different colours which is only important when you are trying to colour co-ordinate your smoke with its container. As can be seen in my dissertation above, the colour of the smoke varies with the velocity of its escape...so you can have smoke of any colour you wish (sort of Designer Smoke) if you can control its escape velocity...

Smoke Detectors are VERY important as they will tell you when excessive amounts of your smoke are escaping and it can cost lots of money to replace smoke. Additionally, as you point out above, it will only get more expensive as time goes on.

Holy Smoke is a very special mix and the formula is a closely guarded secret between all the Churches of the world. Why do we never see the Pope, the Archbishop of Cantebury, the Allayatolla and all the other Religious Leaders of the world together in the one spot at the one time? Because, if they were all killed together, the world would lose the recipe for Holy Smoke. It is the same reason that all the people who know the recipe for Coca Cola are never in the same place at the same time...

Smoke can be categorised by the colour too:

White Smoke - Tradies' Smoke

Black Smoke - Rich People's Smoke

Blue Smoke - Your Average Man's Smoke

Red/Orange/Green/etc Smoke - Special Ceremonial Smoke

Holy Smoke - Sorry, can't tell you colour of that one....It is worth more than my life to tell....

My advice is to save ANY smoke you can get hold of. Like diamonds, the rarer colours all appreciate in price more, but they ALL will appreciate in price to a certain extent.

As lectrissity travels at the speed of light, a clear picture of it has never been taken. This is, currently, the subject of a special Research Project in the Front Bar of the Widgemooltha Tavern with funding from the CSIRO. As soon as any results are available for Public Consumption, I'll let you know.

"Puter":

As explained before, smoke is generated in an alternator or generator by spinning magnets around wires or vice-versa. You, obviously had steel belted Radials on your Magana and, as the wheels spun, the belts formed a magnetic field around themselves thereby creating the smoke. Very wastefully, you neglected to connect your tyres to your battery thereby allowing HEAPS of Smoke to escape into the atmosphere...very wasteful of you mate! Alternatively, your battery was already full of Smoke and what we saw in the photos was simply the overflow.

The proximity of your rear tyres to black dirt wasn't a factor in their non-production of Smoke, in this case. It was the fact that they weren't spinning, so no magnetic field was created, so no Smoke.

Cheers...Dave



For those who would like to read the whole thing...following is a link.

Batrrey Boy

Cheers, Vince

Huh?

whittling wrote:

Huh?

This is a good example of Aussie "tongue in cheek", "take the p1ss" outa someone humour mate.

Cheers, Vince