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The Best Comeback Line Ever
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13128
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2012 9:19 pm    Post subject: The Best Comeback Line Ever Reply with quote

Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous.

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.

The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment. Embarassed Embarassed

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence .

'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin??'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said:

'A pumpkin? S#%t Confused wtf ... is it midnight already?'

The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as 'Best come-back line ever.'

Cheers, Vince

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2985
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2012 9:49 pm    Post subject: Re: The Best Comeback Line Ever Reply with quote

Hope his name wasn't Charlie Brown. Very Happy Very Happy

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7021
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2012 10:44 pm    Post subject: Re: The Best Comeback Line Ever Reply with quote

eeeuwww

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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English Mike
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1145
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 3:43 pm    Post subject: Re: The Best Comeback Line Ever Reply with quote

Haha Haha

I shall have to tell my mum that one.
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Tremblay
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1558
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 5:40 pm    Post subject: Re: The Best Comeback Line Ever Reply with quote

HE HE HAAAW

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Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7126
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 8:28 am    Post subject: Re: The Best Comeback Line Ever Reply with quote

Wasn't expecting that one!

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"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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radar
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1094
Location: North Island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 9:20 pm    Post subject: Re: The Best Comeback Line Ever Reply with quote

Yep, even crime can come out with beauts like that

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People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

George Orwell
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abby0828
Rookie Member
Rookie Member


Joined: Sep 19, 2012
Posts: 1
Location: California

PostPosted: Wed Sep 19, 2012 1:37 am    Post subject: Re: The Best Comeback Line Ever Reply with quote

A car is traveling so slowly down the highway that it attracts the attention of a State Trooper. The officer pulls the slow poke over.

“What have I done wrong, officer?” asks the driver.

“You are going 26 mph on a major highway. There is a law against that,” said the officer. “You must go at least 50 mph.”

“But when I turned on the highway, the sign said 26!”

“Sir, you’re driving on Interstate 26. That isn’t the speed limit!”

The officer notices a woman in the passenger seat whose face is as pale as a ghost.

“What happened to her?” he asks.

“I don’t know, but she has been that way ever since we got off of interstate 160.”

More car jokes here: The best car jokes that are SFW (Pt. 1)
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7021
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 12:23 am    Post subject: Re: The Best Comeback Line Ever Reply with quote

hmmm I wonder?????
Im not game for a butchers!

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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