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MILITARY POINTS TO CONSIDER
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14220
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 3:32 am    Post subject: MILITARY POINTS TO CONSIDER Reply with quote

The ex military people amongst us will be able to relate to these very easily.

Cheers, Vince

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Aim towards the Enemy."
- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
- U.S. Marine Corps
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"Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
- USAF Ammo Troop
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"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
- Infantry Journal
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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the ar ea you just bombed."
- U.S. Air Force Manual
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
- General Macarthur
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"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
- Infantry Journal
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journ al
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"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."
- U.S. Navy Swabbie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
- David Hackworth
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If your attack is going too well, your walking into an ambush."
- Infantry Journal
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
;- Joe Gay
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once."
- Anonymous
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
& nbsp; - Unknown Marine Recruit
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
- Your Buddies
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
- USAF Ammo Troop
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death .. I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
- At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan
-------- ------------------------------------------------------------------
"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."
- From an old carrier sailor
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

----------------------------------------------------- ---------------------
"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Never trade luck for skill."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?",
"Where are we?"
and "Oh S...!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."< /SPAN>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."

------------------------------ --------------------------------------------
Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Nort hrop test pilot)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum."
- Jon McBride, astronaut
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible."
&nbs p; - Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
- Sign over squadron ops des k at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

--------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?".
The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Flint54
Member
Member


Joined: Apr 09, 2005
Posts: 389
Location: North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 6:42 am    Post subject: Re: MILITARY POINTS TO CONSIDER Reply with quote

Very Happy ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL Flag Flag Flag Flag Salute Salute Gotta Love It!!!!!!!
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kbis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Apr 05, 2005
Posts: 312
Location: East, Texas

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 9:21 am    Post subject: Re: MILITARY POINTS TO CONSIDER Reply with quote

Thats great. Sounds like good old mil. logic.
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Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5911

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 9:27 am    Post subject: Re: MILITARY POINTS TO CONSIDER Reply with quote

Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

That was a great way to start a early day Laughing Didnt have time to post in the morning though Sad

Dimitri
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POP!!
Member
Member


Joined: Dec 02, 2005
Posts: 269
Location: Cheyenne, Wy

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 11:02 am    Post subject: Re: MILITARY POINTS TO CONSIDER Reply with quote

"Face towards the Enemy."
- Instruction printed on US Claymore mines

_________________
FOTIS
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shrpshtrjoe
Super Red Neck Member
Super Red Neck Member


Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 2954
Location: Maryland

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 2:44 pm    Post subject: Re: MILITARY POINTS TO CONSIDER Reply with quote

ROFL I hear ya Brother ROFL

_________________
"MOLON LABE"

P E T A
People Eating Tasty Animals
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515034s10ring
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 08, 2005
Posts: 1153
Location: Working my way back up and around

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 5:31 pm    Post subject: Re: MILITARY POINTS TO CONSIDER Reply with quote

ROFL Haha Flag

_________________
Why no......I'm really not an outdoorsmsn at all. But i did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night!
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kbis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Apr 05, 2005
Posts: 312
Location: East, Texas

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:29 pm    Post subject: Re: MILITARY POINTS TO CONSIDER Reply with quote

Pop-I forgot about the good old claymores. Neat little gadget, sure gets their attention.
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