HuntingNut
HuntingNut
   Login or Register
HomeCommunity ForumsPhoto AlbumsRegister
     
 

User Info

Welcome Anonymous


Membership:
Latest: jackneal
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 1
Overall: 12747

People Online:
Members: 0
Visitors: 76
BOT: 3
Total: 79
Who Is Where:
 Visitors:
01: Forums
02: Forums
03: Forums
04: Forums
05: Forums
06: Forums
07: Forums
08: Forums
09: Forums
10: Forums
11: Forums
12: Forums
13: Forums
14: Your Account
15: Forums
16: Forums
17: Forums
18: Your Account
19: Forums
20: Forums
21: Forums
22: Forums
23: Forums
24: Forums
25: Photo Albums
26: Your Account
27: Forums
28: Forums
29: Forums
30: Forums
31: Forums
32: Forums
33: Forums
34: Your Account
35: Forums
36: Home
37: Your Account
38: Photo Albums
39: Forums
40: Forums
41: Forums
42: Forums
43: Forums
44: Forums
45: Forums
46: Forums
47: Forums
48: Forums
49: Forums
50: Forums
51: Forums
52: Your Account
53: Forums
54: Home
55: Forums
56: Home
57: Forums
58: Forums
59: Forums
60: Forums
61: Forums
62: Forums
63: Forums
64: Forums
65: Your Account
66: Home
67: Forums
68: Forums
69: Forums
70: Forums
71: Forums
72: Forums
73: Forums
74: Forums
75: Forums
76: Forums
  BOT:
01: Forums
02: Forums
03: Home

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!
 

Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
 Albums: 305
 Pictures: 2379
  · Views: 579092
  · Votes: 1312
  · Comments: 86
 

Support our Advertisers

History of man
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor

View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
slots918
Member
Member


Joined: Jun 28, 2008
Posts: 138

PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:36 am    Post subject: History of man Reply with quote

This has probably been here before, just thought it needed reposting Smile



History: Simplified with Actual Material

History 101 (Crash course)
For those who don't know about history ... here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals

2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer.

This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement..

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Qs and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.

Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud . They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.

It should be noted that a Liberal will have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7991
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 10:02 pm    Post subject: Re: History of man Reply with quote

yes I could see that being a feasable senario

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
Back to top
View user's profile
Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14148
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 3:31 am    Post subject: Re: History of man Reply with quote

Totally correct Slots...a brilliant lesson on truth in evolution mate.

Well done and said. Salute Cheers Cheers Cheers

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7937
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 4:51 am    Post subject: Re: History of man Reply with quote

It's so logical!!! Guess the liberals didn't allow it in the History books!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
Back to top
View user's profile
whittling
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Apr 21, 2008
Posts: 586
Location: Texas (home state is Mass)

PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 4:57 am    Post subject: Re: History of man Reply with quote

Plausible but I thought that conservatives later invented whiskey.....

_________________
Molon labe!
Service, honor and courage, without these a warrior is nothing.
Back to top
View user's profile Send e-mail Photo Gallery
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10766
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 8:13 am    Post subject: Re: History of man Reply with quote

Whiskey? Someone mention whiskey? I'm up for that....

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
cbsweeney
Member
Member


Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 197
Location: New York

PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:46 am    Post subject: Re: History of man Reply with quote

whittling wrote:
Plausible but I thought that conservatives later invented whiskey.....
It was an Irish conservative that invented Whiskey. A fellow named Jameson if I remember correctly Very Happy

_________________
Give a man a fish, and he will eat today. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Back to top
View user's profile
gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6019
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 5:33 pm    Post subject: Re: History of man Reply with quote

I think the evolution would continue and transform the liberal into leeches.
Spineless but hard to kill.

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
Back to top
View user's profile Visit poster's website
slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7937
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 6:42 pm    Post subject: Re: History of man Reply with quote

gelandangan wrote:
I think the evolution would continue and transform the liberal into leeches. Spineless but hard to kill.

Them may be fight'n words!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
Back to top
View user's profile
Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14148
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 8:00 pm    Post subject: Re: History of man Reply with quote

cbsweeney wrote:
whittling wrote:
Plausible but I thought that conservatives later invented whiskey.....
It was an Irish conservative that invented Whiskey. A fellow named Jameson if I remember correctly Very Happy

Worked hand in hand with some guy from a place called Tullamore I believe....apparently they get a lot of early morning dew there. Supposed to be good for whisky makin'.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6019
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 8:31 pm    Post subject: Re: History of man Reply with quote

slimjim wrote:
gelandangan wrote:
I think the evolution would continue and transform the liberal into leeches. Spineless but hard to kill.

Them may be fight'n words!

Bring em on..

Forgot to add to the leech description .. either way they still sucks..

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
Back to top
View user's profile Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor
Page 1 of 1
All times are GMT - 7 Hours



Jump to:  


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Advertisements
 


Valid CSS! Valid HTML 4.01!
Click to check if this page is realy HTML 4.01 compliant for speed :)

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of HuntingNut.com.
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by HuntingNut.com
Interactive software released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy

.: Upgraded to DragonFly 9.2 by Dizfunkshunal :.