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Texas Attitude
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 8099
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 9:01 pm    Post subject: Texas Attitude Reply with quote

ONLY IN TEXAS...

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello, President Obama” a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at Goliad , Texas , I am callin' to tell
y'all that we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"


"Right now," said Archie, after ...
a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!"



Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry’s John Deere tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again about twenty minutes later.. " President Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Well, crap," said Archie, "l'll have ta call you back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama ! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners.."

TEXAS CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN

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"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8356
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 10:17 pm    Post subject: Re: Texas Attitude Reply with quote

oh boy thats good.
a great pity the land of nippon hadnt thought of that a few years back Ive just finished reading The forgotten highlander by golly thats a book worth a look we are taught in schools about the nazi holacaust but the horrors commited in the pacific get not a mention.

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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hunterjoe21
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Joined: Mar 30, 2007
Posts: 1474
Location: Billings, Montana

PostPosted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 7:23 pm    Post subject: Re: Texas Attitude Reply with quote

I think the last time that was posted here, Australians claimed the honors.....

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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3323
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 8:29 pm    Post subject: Re: Texas Attitude Reply with quote

Good one SlimJ!!!!

Elvis is that the book that has George Bush Sr. in it as a flyer that goes down. That was a good one but I remember what the name of the book is. Lots of be-heading goin on in that one. Really creapifying stories.

Suz

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May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 8099
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:25 pm    Post subject: Re: Texas Attitude Reply with quote

There is an "attitude" in Texas. It shows where every Texan's go. As an example, when Americans are overseas and are asked where they are from, there are two answers - most say the "United States" but if not if one is from Texas. Texan's proudly just say they are from "Texas". I don't even think twice about it.

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8356
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 11:46 pm    Post subject: Re: Texas Attitude Reply with quote

suz its written byAlistair Urquart he was taken pow at singapore and worked on the railway. frigging rocked me to the core reading it I tell you.

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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