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Lovemaking Tips for Seniors
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14312
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 3:42 am    Post subject: Lovemaking Tips for Seniors Reply with quote

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors


1.. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember..

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice. ................................................



'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .

'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot..

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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44marty
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Mar 20, 2009
Posts: 775
Location: Cheshire, MA; USA

PostPosted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 8:10 pm    Post subject: Re: Lovemaking Tips for Seniors Reply with quote

Now that's not funny . . . . just the facts, when you're older than dirt.

_________________
_____________________________________

The strength of the wolf is in the pack; the strength of the pack is in the wolf. ~ R. Kipling

I LOVE YOU, LADY LUCK !!!
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slimjim
Super Member
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 8006
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 8:29 pm    Post subject: Re: Lovemaking Tips for Seniors Reply with quote

Vince, have you learned these the hard way?

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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wiersy111
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Super Member


Joined: May 13, 2009
Posts: 2348
Location: Central Minnesota

PostPosted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 8:33 pm    Post subject: Re: Lovemaking Tips for Seniors Reply with quote

WOW!!! Now that is funny.

_________________
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America " for an amount of "up to and including my life."

US ARMY RETIRED

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Being "Over the Hill" is much better then being under it!
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radar
Super Member
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Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1108
Location: North Island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 7:54 pm    Post subject: Re: Lovemaking Tips for Seniors Reply with quote

I guess I got it all coming.... hopefully in many more years. LOL. Radar

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People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

George Orwell
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14312
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 8:10 pm    Post subject: Re: Lovemaking Tips for Seniors Reply with quote

slimjim wrote:
Vince, have you learned these the hard way?

I'm sayin' nuffink. Very Happy Very Happy Rolling Eyes Ignore Nananana

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:15 pm    Post subject: Re: Lovemaking Tips for Seniors Reply with quote

"'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face"


Buwahahahahahaha!.....fuuuuunny! Laughing

And gross! Mad
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