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AUSTRALIAN ETIQUETTE
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13661
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 7:35 am    Post subject: AUSTRALIAN ETIQUETTE Reply with quote

AUSTRALIAN ETIQUETTE

IN GENERAL
1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
3. It's tacky to take an Esky to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.

DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.

DATING
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook – especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff about you on the dunny door two years ago.'
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 11:00 PM , others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATRE/CINEMA ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummer-bund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for the occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight
2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5880
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 4:41 pm    Post subject: Re: AUSTRALIAN ETIQUETTE Reply with quote

Very Happy I need some refreshers on manners now and then

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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10spotterminator
Member
Member


Joined: Aug 27, 2008
Posts: 167
Location: Redmond, Oregon

PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 7:34 am    Post subject: Re: AUSTRALIAN ETIQUETTE Reply with quote

Hello Vince !

Close the culture gap for me if you would please,,, Whats an ESKY ??? I got all of the others but that one .

Thanks, Dave
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Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906

PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 11:46 am    Post subject: Re: AUSTRALIAN ETIQUETTE Reply with quote

Esky is just your average cooler.

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10586
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 1:09 pm    Post subject: Re: AUSTRALIAN ETIQUETTE Reply with quote

Yeh...We have so many Aussies on here we had to learn the language...Don't worry. You'll get it soon enough...

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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