Login or Register
HomeCommunity ForumsPhoto AlbumsRegister

User Info

Welcome Anonymous

Latest: richmo1
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 1
Overall: 12805

People Online:
Members: 0
Visitors: 126
BOT: 1
Total: 127
Who Is Where:
01: Forums
02: Forums
03: Photo Albums
04: Forums
05: Forums
06: Your Account
07: Forums
08: Forums
09: News
10: Forums
11: Photo Albums
12: Home
13: Home
14: Home
15: Photo Albums
16: Home
17: Forums
18: Home
19: Forums
20: Forums
21: Forums
22: Forums
23: Forums
24: Forums
25: Home
26: Forums
27: Forums
28: Your Account
29: Home
30: Photo Albums
31: Photo Albums
32: Forums
33: Forums
34: Forums
35: Forums
36: Home
37: Home
38: Forums
39: Forums
40: Forums
41: Forums
42: Forums
43: Photo Albums
44: Forums
45: Home
46: Forums
47: Forums
48: Forums
49: Forums
50: Forums
51: Forums
52: Home
53: Home
54: Forums
55: Home
56: Forums
57: Forums
58: Forums
59: Home
60: Forums
61: Forums
62: Forums
63: Forums
64: News
65: Forums
66: Home
67: Forums
68: Forums
69: Forums
70: Forums
71: Forums
72: Forums
73: Forums
74: Home
75: Home
76: Forums
77: Forums
78: Forums
79: Home
80: Forums
81: Home
82: Home
83: Photo Albums
84: Home
85: Your Account
86: Forums
87: Forums
88: Forums
89: Home
90: Forums
91: Forums
92: Home
93: Home
94: Forums
95: Forums
96: Forums
97: Home
98: Home
99: Forums
100: Forums
101: Forums
102: Statistics
103: Forums
104: Home
105: Forums
106: Forums
107: Forums
108: Forums
109: Home
110: Home
111: Photo Albums
112: Your Account
113: Home
114: Photo Albums
115: Forums
116: Forums
117: Forums
118: Home
119: Home
120: Photo Albums
121: Your Account
122: Photo Albums
123: Forums
124: Forums
125: Forums
126: Photo Albums
01: Forums

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!

Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
 Albums: 307
 Pictures: 2392
  · Views: 643495
  · Votes: 1312
  · Comments: 86

Support our Advertisers

Christmas in The South
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor

View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Super Member
Super Member

Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14414
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 8:53 pm    Post subject: Christmas in The South Reply with quote

Yeah...I know it ain't Christmas yet Confused ...but this is a lead up. Very Happy

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back.

The Skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care, with hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds, while visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads.

And Ma in her nightgown all stained with red jello, had just settled down to watch Jay Leno.

When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard, I opened the winder to check muh T-bird.

I ran to the door, like I's on a mission, but I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission.

The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin', Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'.

When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see but a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep.

With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick I said, "Shoot Fire! That must be St. Nick!

More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came, and he belched and he hollered, and he called 'em by name.


From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins, Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away youins!

I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack, pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack.

He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog, I swear that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hog.

He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front, and his jeans were all bloody from that morning's hunt.

A big nekkid lady tattooed on his neck, and he wore black boots that he'd picked up in Iraq.

His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey, from the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky.

A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops, the veins on his face looked ready to pop.

The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip, he wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips.

He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly, I ain't seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly.

He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three, and I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me.

A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head, from his hair came a rat that ran under the bed.

He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic, then filled the kid's stockings with Hooked on Phonics.

His toys came from Big Lots and they weren't very nice, but he had lots of them and yuh can't beat the price.

He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells, some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies, and a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size.

When the presents were gone and he had no more, he staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door.

He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order, "Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!"

And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU REDNECKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL... YEE HAWWWW!

Cheers, Vince

Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Super Member
Super Member

Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10874
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 7:20 am    Post subject: Re: Christmas in The South Reply with quote

Yup...Just too early for Christmas poetry...

I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor
Page 1 of 1
All times are GMT - 7 Hours

Jump to:  

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Valid CSS! Valid HTML 4.01!
Click to check if this page is realy HTML 4.01 compliant for speed :)

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by
Interactive software released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy

.: Upgraded to DragonFly 9.2 by Dizfunkshunal :.