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Aussie Etiquette
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13136
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:32 pm    Post subject: Aussie Etiquette Reply with quote

IN GENERAL

1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.

3. It's tacky to take an Esky to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take
your ute and trailer to the funeral.



DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.



ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.



PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.

3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.



DATING

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date.

2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested:
"I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff about you on the dunny door two years ago."

3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 11:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school or work on time.



THEATRE/CINEMA ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.

2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.



WEDDINGS

1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your popularity.
(Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummer- bund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.



DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight.

2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5736
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:56 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Etiquette Reply with quote

Ahem...

As an Aussie from the southern part of the country I hereby protest the above statements by Vince the Queenslander..

Except of course the part
Quote::
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
And that is because the missus say it is right..

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13136
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 10:05 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Etiquette Reply with quote

Aw mate...c'mon.....these are all fair dinkum, true blue, ridgey didge rules.

Well they are in Queensland anywayz. Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Tremblay
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1560
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:13 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Etiquette Reply with quote

For us that live in a more northen part of the world what is a ESKY ????? Very Happy

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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10301
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 3:09 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Etiquette Reply with quote

Insolated ice box or cooler...Like a portable ice chest for keeping beer...A most important item...

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Tremblay
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1560
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 3:53 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Etiquette Reply with quote

Yup it is certinly important, got one my self. But some time it isn't big enough. And thanks

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Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13136
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 12:00 am    Post subject: Re: Aussie Etiquette Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Insolated ice box or cooler...Like a portable ice chest for keeping beer...A most important item...

Thanks Bushy...perfect explanation mate.

I actually have four hard Eskys...a 56 litre, a 26 litre and two small 6 pack Eskys. Also have about 4 or 5 soft ones that hold up to about a dozen stubbies.

Never have enough space for cold beer. Very Happy Very Happy Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5736
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 12:16 am    Post subject: Re: Aussie Etiquette Reply with quote

Vince wrote:

Never have enough space for cold beer. Very Happy Very Happy Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

Err.. Vince,
normally you would let them go, "break the seal" Toilet Claw
that way, you can refill many times.. Very Happy

Then again, we Aussies dont develop beer gut for nothing.. Very Happy Cheers

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13136
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 12:29 am    Post subject: Re: Aussie Etiquette Reply with quote

Gelan wrote:
"break the seal"

Yeah, I know mate...but once that damn seal is broken I can't stop...and I can only carry so much beer.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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