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Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners:
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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1895ss
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Posts: 2613
Location: Not Here...!!

PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 4:52 pm    Post subject: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners:

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.



Dining Out

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor, as the
restaurant may not have dogs.



Entertaining In Your Home

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.



Personal Hygiene

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
be done in private using one's OWN truck keys

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails are a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.



Dating (outside the family)


1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.


2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting
to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some
will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, It is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such
as, "Ya sure don't sweat much fer a big gal."



Weddings

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.


Driving Etiquette

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
tires always has the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

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'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906
Location: Southern Ontario

PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 6:39 pm    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

1895ss wrote:
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, It is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

So how young do men date girls in Saskatchewan ?? Shocked

Dimitri

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1895ss
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Joined: Jul 21, 2005
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 6:42 pm    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

As long as it takes ............... Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 6:32 am    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

Hummmm...I didn't know that Saskatchewan, let alone Canada, had "hill Billys"...

You a "hill billy" 1895zz??

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Dimitri
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 6:40 am    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

Bushmaster,

Canada, has alot of hillbills and rednecks. Wink

Dimitri

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1895ss
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 8:52 am    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Hummmm...I didn't know that Saskatchewan, let alone Canada, had "hill Billys"...

You a "hill billy" 1895zz??

No but I know of some people that could pass for one ........... Very Happy

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rdncktink
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Joined: Mar 02, 2007
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 5:21 pm    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

Sorry but some of these need to be revised.

Quote::
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
but my Aunt does plan on taking some stuff out of my grandma's house before calling anyone so the state won't get it all

Quote::
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
nope you hold it by the neck so it won't heat up the beer

Quote::
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

why not the cat does

Quote::
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails are a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
if the dirt is on the female cover with nail polish. as for food helps it slide down better

Quote::
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
tires always has the right of way.
If all tires are the same size he with the most guns or lest paint on the truck goes first.

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tracker
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Joined: Nov 08, 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 11:35 am    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Hummmm...I didn't know that Saskatchewan, let alone Canada, had "hill Billys"...

You a "hill billy" 1895zz??

Now why in the world would he think that? We started to compile a similar manual here in Manitoba but the guy with the crayon moved to Saskatchewan.

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WileyWapiti
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Joined: Jan 04, 2006
Posts: 298
Location: NW Colorado

PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 1:49 pm    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

Anybody have a good recipe for ice? The great aunt with our family recipe has sadly passed on. Please help!

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tracker
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Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 1:58 pm    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

"although the amber tint does make the drinks appear more festive and attractive, it is not recommended that one make ice with yellow water or snow, as it seems to leave a bitter aftertaste that guest often find objectionable"

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 4:07 pm    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

And, Tracker, you know this to be a fact...Right? I bet you try to skin deer tracks too...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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1895ss
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Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2613
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 9:20 pm    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
And, Tracker, you know this to be a fact...Right? I bet you try to skin deer tracks too...

Oh Bushy I can see you have missed on a very fine delicacy. Surprised "Track soup". Has a very distinctive taste all it's own. Confused Very Happy But don't eat the yellow snow around the tracks and keep it out of the soup................. !!!! Yuck Yuck ROFL ROFL ROFL

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'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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tracker
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Joined: Nov 08, 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 8:12 am    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

track soup's kinda like chinese food though you're hungry again real soon.

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13380
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 9:21 pm    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

WileyWapiti wrote:
Anybody have a good recipe for ice? The great aunt with our family recipe has sadly passed on. Please help!

wtf Mate.....We got the same problem with boiling water. I've had to put up with cold tea and coffee for years. Mad Might be why I drink cold beer. Very Happy

Cheers, Vince

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"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
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keetoowah
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Joined: Mar 20, 2007
Posts: 691
Location: Deep in the mountains of Montana

PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 6:46 pm    Post subject: Re: Tips From the Saskatchewan Book of Manners: Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
And, Tracker, you know this to be a fact...Right? I bet you try to skin deer tracks too...

he is leaving the skinning to me. Bushmaster.

he can shoot it, gut it, and
butcher it
i'll do the skinning, cooking, tanning and sewing.

reallly track soup??? thought it was rusty nail stew

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