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The South
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 12:28 am    Post subject: The South Reply with quote

Tennessee:

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."


Alabama:

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"


Louisiana:

A senior at LSU was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.


Mississippi:

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got his license number."


Georgia:

A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-75. The trooper asked, "Got any I. D.?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"


North Carolina:

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I have a flat tire."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make sense to me neither."



And this from South Carolina:

"You can say what you want about the South, but I ain't never heard of anyone retiring to the North


Cheers, Vince

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:49 am    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

What!!! No Missouri???

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Vince
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:57 am    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

Nope, nothing 'bout Missouri......but then again, I didn't know that Missouri is considered a southern state.

Cheers, Vince

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gelandangan
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 5:01 pm    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

I have no ID what ya'll talk about

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GroovyJack
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Joined: May 21, 2005
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Location: Bama

PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 5:30 pm    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

You ozzies Very Happy

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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 5:31 pm    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

Missori is a southern state by common definition, the definition being that if the state is in the "Southern" US which is South of the Manson-Dixie Line and seperated from the US before or during the "War of Northern Agression" (as its called in the Southern US), "The Southern Rebelion" (The Northern name for the war) or the "American Civil War" (The most common name) so these are the states that are "Southern". Smile

-> South Carolina (December 20, 1860),
-> Mississippi (January 9, 1861),
-> Florida (January 10, 1861),
-> Alabama (January 11, 1861),
-> Georgia (January 19, 1861),
-> Louisiana (January 26, 1861),
-> Texas (February 1, 1861)
-> Virginia (April 17, 1861);
-> Arkansas (May 6, 1861),
-> Tennessee (May 7, 1861).
-> North Carolina (May 20, 1861)
-> Missouri (October 31, 1861).
-> Kentucky (November 20, 1861)



Dimitri

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GroovyJack
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 5:34 pm    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

Meattree jus where is the MANSON DIXON line ??

It was the War Between the Americans and Yankees ..

And it's still goin on Very Happy

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Dimitri
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 5:47 pm    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

GroovyJack wrote:
Meattree jus where is the MANSON DIXON line ??

It was the War Between the Americans and Yankees ..

And it's still goin on Very Happy

The Mason-Dixion was the line that seperated Virginia/Maryland from Deleware and Pennsylvania, and then sort of grew going westward. Laughing

Never heard of that name for the war before. Smile

Dimitri

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GroovyJack
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 5:49 pm    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

I know all about the MASON DIXON , but you post said MANSON DIXON

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Morax
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:45 pm    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

GroovyJack wrote:
I know all about the MASON DIXON , but you post said MANSON DIXON

well ya cross the MANSON-dixon line you will know it too!! Very Happy
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yotebuster
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:29 pm    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

Vince, you were spot on with the last one about South Carolina. I have heard that more times that I can count. Like the woman I talked with last week that moved here from Wisconsin. Her exact words, and I quote; "I just wish I'd done this 10 years ago."
Aw hells bells,............we'll take Missouri. Even with Bushy in it. Confused LOL
Cheers,
Yotebuster

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rdncktink
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:29 pm    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

Read Book Computer Yaaahhh I get to use my degree for once. Ya'll right. Missouri is a split state, like California was. While it stayed in the Union it also sent people to the C.S.A. In a quote from a Civil War website "Missouri supplied 110,000 troops for the Union and a minimum of 40,000 troops to the Confederacy (actual number of Missouri Confederates is unknown as many Missourians joined non-Missouri units)."
And I perfer the more mundain term the War between the states or War of the Rebulion or War of Northern Agression. Mainly becuase their ain't anything "civil" about war.

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rdncktink
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:31 pm    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

oops sorry forgot it Missouri was number 12 me bad

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:55 pm    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

Who really cares...I'm an Oregon Redneck...I just live in Missouri...

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Dimitri
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 3:37 am    Post subject: Re: The South Reply with quote

GroovyJack,

Sorry for my spelling mistake. Smile

Dimitri

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