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Swimming Hole
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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lesterg3
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Joined: Nov 30, 2008
Posts: 1253
Location: Dixie

PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 1:21 am    Post subject: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said,

'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

Some old men can still think fast.

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"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. "--Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -- Thomas Jefferson

"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms."--James Madison

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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
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Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 2:09 am    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

Old age and treachery will over come youth and skill.

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13069
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 2:25 am    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

dhc4ever wrote:
Old age and treachery will over come youth and skill.

Every time Pete, every time mate. Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

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"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
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Aloysius
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 7:05 am    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

Lester, didn't you make a pond on your land? What are you still missing? The ladies or the bucket?

Better wait till you get those new powerlines installed...
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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
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Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 8:32 pm    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

I think the old age remark should have read:

Old age and debauchery ...


But it is just as funny either way.

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Paul
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2015 12:51 am    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

cleaver old bugga....couldve well been Bushy

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
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Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2015 7:32 am    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

I'm diggin' a pond as we speak...I already have a bucket.

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lesterg3
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2015 8:17 am    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

Need trees call Stark Brothers. And, yes I have a pond, but no skinny dippers yet of either sex, except for the owner and his wife. I suspect you ain't wanting to see that, sometimes I close my eyes. But, no sheep here, Ewe......

_________________
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The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -- Thomas Jefferson

"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms."--James Madison

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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2015 10:13 pm    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

Don't dig it too deep Bushmaster. You want to be able to get out before you fill it. Smile

Lester, you need to get the word out about your "secluded" pond at the local colleges.
If you are not in gator country then use snapping turtles instead.

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Paul
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dhc4ever
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 13, 2015 1:11 am    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

Devious bugger aint you Paul.......

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 13, 2015 1:33 am    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

Them snappin' turtles sound evil, mean, wicked and nasty Paul. Shocked Shocked Mad

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
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PaulS
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 13, 2015 6:54 pm    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

Bad enough to panic pretty little girls... (in the 21 and up range)

I may be a lot of things but I have no interest in a girl who worries more about her clothes than her mind.

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Paul
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 13, 2015 8:11 pm    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

Paul...What about a girl who's "blind, deaf, dumb and owns a bar"?

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PaulS
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 6:37 pm    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

No thanks, I like a bit of conversation, a woman who listens and can see what I've done.
My wife is just fine even without the bar.

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Paul
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5721
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 6:40 pm    Post subject: Re: Swimming Hole Reply with quote

Is she behind you right now Paul?

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