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Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2325
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 7:52 pm    Post subject: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

The website officials at this Australian tourism website had a great sense of humour when they answered these travel questions.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .

Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not.... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7304
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 12:03 am    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

do all the sheep really look scared???
only the slow ones....

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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5817
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 4:31 am    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
do all the sheep really look scared???
only the slow ones....
New-Ze-a-land, a clump of small islands to the east of...
never mind.. Them sheep are scared in Kings Cross if you come naked....

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1895ss
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Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2613
Location: Not Here...!!

PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 11:57 am    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty on Reply with quote

ROFL ROFL ROFL Laughing Laughing Laughing Haha Haha Haha Haha

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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7304
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 5:10 pm    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

this kings cross sounds like a real interesting place to visit?? just dont drop ya wallet or you will have to kick it all the way home !!! right???

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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
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Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 8:56 pm    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

Lots of Kiwis in Kings Cross..

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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7304
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 11:27 pm    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

that explains why it is such a highly recommended place to go...

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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2325
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 12:37 am    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

My eyes are watering as I've just had to bite my tongue.........

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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
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Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 1:28 am    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

the hippos needs entertainment when they are not racing

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A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13421
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 3:53 am    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

gelandangan wrote:
Elvis wrote:
do all the sheep really look scared???
only the slow ones....
New-Ze-a-land, a clump of small islands to the east of...
never mind.. Them sheep are scared in Kings Cross if you come naked....

...but only on Tuesday nights Gelan...that's when all the KIWIs visit I've heard.

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Hiding Hiding

Cheers, Vince

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"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5817
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 5:26 am    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

that could be right Vince..
never know much about these topics anyway. Very Happy
must be a kiwi thing..

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A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

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shrpshtrjoe
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Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 2957
Location: Maryland

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 7:03 am    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty on Reply with quote

You Guys kill me!!!!! ROFL

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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1282
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 2:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

gelandangan wrote:
Lots of Kiwis in Kings Cross..

That explains the sheep then. Very Happy
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5817
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 9:02 pm    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

Oi E-Mike, Kiwi bashing is national past time for us Ozzians,
You poms get some other to bash.. No poaching..

Our NZ cousins maybe sheep shaggers, but they are OUR sheep shagger!

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A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
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The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7304
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 10:24 pm    Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one Reply with quote

hear hear gelandagan thats right they have the Micks N Paddys from the land of leprecorns to be hassling to be sure to be sure!!!!

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