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Its heading this way
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2188
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 2:36 pm    Post subject: Its heading this way Reply with quote

Hello friends,

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends and colleagues, but it is difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on advice I wish to say the following :

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress , non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious / secular persuasions and / or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all .

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012, but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great ( not to imply that Australia is necessarily greater than any other country ) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee .

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms :

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her / him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher .

Best Regards ( without prejudice )

Name withheld ( Privacy Act ).

In other words, from someone who ISNT politically correct, really dislikes lawyers, and really doesnt care if I offend the 0.001% of the muslim population spounging off my country, or the limpdick,homosexual politicians running this circus;

MERRY BLOODY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL.

Happy holidays my arse......

_________________
Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Ominivision1
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2985
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 3:11 pm    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

Very Happy Very Happy You nailed that one.

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Regards

Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5633
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 4:55 pm    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

+1 to you mate!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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redneckhunter
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Joined: Oct 25, 2005
Posts: 81
Location: east texas ,lake of the pines

PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 10:22 pm    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

MERRY CHRISMAS TO ALL AND HAPPY NEW YEARS!!
WORKS FOR ME TOO Very Happy
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Elvis
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6707
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 12:11 am    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

marys sypolis and hippy gonarea!!!!

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6707
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 12:12 am    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

ooops I mean merry christmas and happy new year!!!

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Pumpkinslinger
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Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 4339
Location: NC foothills

PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 6:17 am    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

Happy ChristmaHanukKwanzmas?

Seriously, Merry Christmas to you all!

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Mike

"I ain't no better than anyone else, and there ain't no one better than me!" Ma Kettle

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Bushmaster
Super Member
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10176
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 9:57 am    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

Bah!! Humbug!!

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1445
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 8:50 pm    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

Thats a 10

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Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain
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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3260
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 12:21 am    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

It's gettin squishy around here, Bushy please pass the bottle one more time, my eggnog is getting thick again.

Suz

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May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10176
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 8:25 am    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

Might that be the "festive" dark Jamaican rum you would be refering to?

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3260
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 8:28 am    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

I love rum!! Yes that would be just the ticket. Mornin Bushster!
It goes good on ice cream too.

Suz

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May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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Bushmaster
Super Member
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10176
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 8:41 am    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

Oh yes it is and on canned peaches too.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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English Mike
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1097
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 1:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

Buncha dipsomaniacs. Razz Very Happy
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inthedark
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 31, 2011
Posts: 728
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 11:56 pm    Post subject: Re: Its heading this way Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Might that be the "festive" dark Jamaican rum you would be refering to?


And here I took you for a Burbon or a Canadian whiskey man.


Fröhliches Weihnachten und der ganz Beste des Neujahrs

Merry Christmas and all the Best of the New Year
Chimo
ITD
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