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Soldier Assistance
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13377
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 8:29 am    Post subject: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.

She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.

Magically it opens.

"That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," replies the man. "These are my khakis".


Hiding Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Ghost
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Joined: Nov 20, 2011
Posts: 25
Location: European Forrest

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 9:40 am    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1250
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 9:45 am    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

Your coat's in the driveway..... Very Happy
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TRBLSHTR
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Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1043
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:47 am    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

wtf HE MUST HAVE BEEN FROM BOSTON! Laughing

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"Tolerance becomes a crime when applied to evil." Thomas Mann
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lesterg3
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Joined: Nov 30, 2008
Posts: 1299
Location: Dixie

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:53 am    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

That is seriously bad!!

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"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. "--Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -- Thomas Jefferson

"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms."--James Madison

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Thomas Jefferson.

NRA Life Member
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Ominivision1
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2985
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:31 pm    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

Very Happy Very Happy Oh boy Vince Faint

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7248
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:44 pm    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

gee Vince where ever do you get these from????

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Aloysius
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Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Posts: 2104
Location: B., Belgium

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:53 pm    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

had to keep my head far to the left so that everything flew together befor I could understand this one...

always been told that English had less words than French, but when Vince stays inventing new words, they will catch up.
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7248
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 1:19 pm    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

no new words in there bud. khaki is the colour of most of our uniforms.
as for the english language it is the most mongrelised of them all there are words and bastardisations of most other languages included in our everyday speech.

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inthedark
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Joined: Jan 31, 2011
Posts: 754
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 1:21 pm    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

Aloysius wrote:
had to keep my head far to the left so that everything flew together befor I could understand this one...

always been told that English had less words than French, but when Vince stays inventing new words, they will catch up.
Al I think that Vince is an astute observer of english dialect rather than an inventor. I agree that he does have me shaking my head sometimes. LMAO Laughing Confused
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redneckhunter
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Joined: Oct 25, 2005
Posts: 81
Location: east texas ,lake of the pines

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 8:00 pm    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13377
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 9:34 pm    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
gee Vince where ever do you get these from????

Oh...I'm not taking the blame for this one mate...as much as I'd like to as it's well and truly up to my high standard of "sick"....

Elvis has studied hard and achieved HIGH DISTINCTION in the art of sending sick jokes to his mates...yup...this one ain't mine...I can't lay claim to it...all accolades must go to, The Man, ELVIS. Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Laughing Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7248
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:26 pm    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

guilty as charged.

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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inthedark
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Joined: Jan 31, 2011
Posts: 754
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 11:47 pm    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

Best Old Guy joke of the year:

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That's us in 10 years".


He said,

"That's a mirror, dip-shit!

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Chimo
Ron

War is sweet to those who have no experience of it, but the experienced man trembles exceedingly at heart on its approach - Pindar 518-438BC
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13377
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 12:18 am    Post subject: Re: Soldier Assistance Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

I'm a happy man...it seems I've spawned a whole heap of sick joke officiandos. Very Happy Very Happy Laughing Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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