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British humour
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13467
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 3:01 am    Post subject: British humour Reply with quote

This one is for our mate in Pomgolia...English Mike.

It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters.

They are putting some Persil washing Powder in to stop the coloureds running.


************************************************************
Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London .
Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

*************************************************************

Following the riots in Tottenham, it's important to remind ourselves that not all black people are stereotypical thieves and arsonists.

The vast majority are drug dealers and rapists.

*************************************************************

Ngogo Mwambi has to travel 5 miles every day for fresh water, 7 miles
every day for food & 10 miles every day for medicine for him & his
family. This is because the daft bastard and all his mates torched the
Peckham Spar, Tottenham KFC and Hackney Medical Centre and now he has to walk to Croydon for his breakfast.


*************************************************************

Riots in Wythenshawe last month caused over £1 million worth of improvements.

*************************************************************

Muslims have gone on the rampage in Bradford , killing anyone who's English.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 5.

*************************************************************

Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing.
I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.


*************************************************************

They've had to cancel the panto 'Jack & the Beanstalk' in Birmingham , Bristol , Oldham, Bradford, Burnley, Leicester, Luton and London :
Apparently the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen.

*************************************************************

Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!


*************************************************************

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7345
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 3:55 am    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

oh I say they are jolly good ol chap golly spiffing what what.

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Ghost
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Joined: Nov 20, 2011
Posts: 25
Location: European Forrest

PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 6:37 am    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Don't runover a moslim on a bike with your car. It can be Your bike!


Laughing
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 11:25 am    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

OK I made it as far as the RamaDam before BARFING !!!! Laughing

Pomgolia....buwahahahaha Laughing
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TRBLSHTR
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Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1048
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)

PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 11:50 am    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Razz Brits must be having a spot of trouble with the camel humpers-eh! Razz


Never feed stray dogs-they just might follow you home and stay!

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stovepipe
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Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 11:56 am    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

I remeber the first time I heard the term "pom" from an Aussie mate. Used it once razzing a mate from GB...he got bent! Laughing
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English Mike
Super Member
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1291
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 2:03 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

stovepipe wrote:
I remeber the first time I heard the term "pom" from an Aussie mate. Used it once razzing a mate from GB...he got bent! Laughing

It doesn't bother me, especially as we call our Aussie cousins far worse.


Baaaaa!!! Very Happy
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stovepipe
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Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 2:05 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Rhu-rho!
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Ominivision1
Super Member
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 2:27 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

English Mike wrote:
It doesn't bother me, especially as we call our Aussie cousins far worse.Baaaaa!!! Very Happy

Haha Haha Haha Haha

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13467
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 7:58 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

English Mike wrote:
stovepipe wrote:
I remeber the first time I heard the term "pom" from an Aussie mate. Used it once razzing a mate from GB...he got bent! Laughing

It doesn't bother me, especially as we call our Aussie cousins far worse.


Baaaaa!!! Very Happy

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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camel
Member
Member


Joined: May 30, 2011
Posts: 129
Location: Hillston Nsw Australia

PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 3:27 am    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

[quote="TRBLSHTR] trouble with the camel humpers-eh! Razz


I guess I better not go visit the rellos in pommyland then, either that or steel undies. Confused Shocked

_________________
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Opinions are like rear ends, every one has got one.
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10480
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 8:40 am    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

And here starts the "sheep jokes" again...

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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RePete
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 798

PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 8:44 am    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
And here starts the "sheep jokes" again...

And don't forget the requisite "wellies". Laughing

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Proud member of the WTFDTSG Club.

Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.

Nice try = You Suck spelled different.
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tikkat3
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 30, 2006
Posts: 709

PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 2:53 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Or the cliff........
Who highjacked this thread? Bushy, RePete.
Get back on topic and start bashing [laughing with] the poms.
Or
I'd like to hear a bit of Oz bashing, hey Skip
Kanga or convict
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English Mike
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1291
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 4:10 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

A Kiwi finally makes his fortune and is having his dream house built. As he talks to the architect on how he wants the house built he says, 'See that tree there, don't cut it down because under that tree I made love for the first time.'

The architect says he understands the sentimental value of the tree and he will design the house so that the tree isn't harmed.

Then the man says, 'And you see that tree over there, I don't want it cut either, because her mother stood there and watched as we made love.'

The architect could hardly believe his ears,'That's incredible, what did her mother say?'

'Baaaaaa.'
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