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Happy marriage
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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44marty
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Joined: Mar 20, 2009
Posts: 775
Location: Cheshire, MA; USA

PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 6:15 pm    Post subject: Happy marriage Reply with quote

A man wakes up after a night out with the boys, head pounding and mouth sour. He sees that his clothes have been cleaned and pressed. He gets up and goes into the hallway, only to see that the mirror in the hall is cracked. He notices in one of the pieces that he has a bandage over his left eyebrow.

Then he heads down stairs and sees a stain in the carpet at the bottom. When he makes it to the kitchen, he sees his son eating breakfast. On the table is a pile of pancakes, a platter of bacon, and a pan full of scrambled eggs. There is a note on the table, next to a bottle of aspirin, which reads:

Honey, I went to Lowe's to get a replacement mirror and some carpet stain remover. Here's some aspirin for your head, I cleaned and bandaged your cut. Hope you enjoy the breakfast, I'll be back soon. Hugs and kisses - your loving wife.

Puzzled, he asks his son "What the hell happened last night?"

The son smirks and replies "You came home absolutely wasted! First you puked all over yourself at the bottom of the stairs. Then when you made it into the hallway, you did a header into the mirror, waking us all up. Mom had to help you into bed."

Now the man is really lost. "That's all that happened...?"

The son says "Well, the last thing I heard before going back to sleep was mom trying to pull your pants off, and you yelling 'Hey lady! Keep your hands off me, I'm a married man!' "

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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7021
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 9:37 pm    Post subject: Re: Happy marriage Reply with quote

I must try that...
thanks for the chuckle.

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7127
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 3:41 am    Post subject: Re: Happy marriage Reply with quote

Yup, a good chuckle!

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"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Ominivision1
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2985
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 4:37 am    Post subject: Re: Happy marriage Reply with quote

Good one Marty

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13131
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 9:11 pm    Post subject: Re: Happy marriage Reply with quote

Hm...must remember that one...could come in handy some time. As good as a piece of chalk behind the ear. Very Happy Very Happy

Cheers, Vince

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1558
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 10:32 pm    Post subject: Re: Happy marriage Reply with quote

A piece chalk behind the ear ????????

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13131
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2011 3:00 am    Post subject: Re: Happy marriage Reply with quote

Tremblay wrote:
A piece chalk behind the ear ????????

Yeah...you never heard of that one Trembles...when you are out playing up, come home with a piece of chalk behind your ear...give a BS story about bad traffic or something. The missus will "up ya fer the rent" and say "don't crap on, I know exactly what you have been doing...playing darts with the boys in the pub cause you left the scoring chalk behind your ear...again". Very Happy Very Happy Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1558
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2011 9:07 am    Post subject: Re: Happy marriage Reply with quote

I see does that work I need something that works.

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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3263
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2011 4:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Happy marriage Reply with quote

You guys trading ideas around.....HHHhhhhhmmmmmm dunno if I can trust what I hear anymore....(women don't do that) Tremblay you should sheck yuor spleling There is a great difference between differnts and difference, but I'm not a genius, just different.

Suz

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May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1558
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2011 8:16 pm    Post subject: Re: Happy marriage Reply with quote

You know suz my teacher told me the same thing

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